A new beginning

I'm not really certain if this blog will become part of my daily life, or if it will start and fizzle.  But I thought that it might be a good opportunity to share with others the journey that the Lord has set me on.  Things are going to change in my life in a dramatic way in a few weeks.  After Christmas I'll be taking on a full-time position in my church.  And to be honest, the road ahead seems murky.  I know that God has led me to pastor EKBC, but I'm not certain what the Lord's will for the church looks like--at least not with clarity that I would prefer.  I don't have any "plan" or "strategy" other than to say that I want the church to be passionate about Jesus.  But of course that means that I have to be passionate about Jesus.  And recently the Lord has been revealing to me how dispassionate I can be toward Him.  And I'm being greatly convicted.  This fills nme with doubts.  Shouldn't I be the leader here?  I've been saved for almost forty years--you would think that I'd have a handle on this.  But the disappointements of the past few years (specifically my oldest son's autism) have in many ways rattled me to the core of my spiritual being.  I've been asking myself, "Do I really love God"?  And there are days when I can definately say "yes".  But other days, the answer is well short of what God demands.

A new beginning awaits in ministry.  But the same old journey is continuing as well.  As Francis Chan points out in his book Crazy Love, I want to want to know God more.  And today this is my prayer.